Growing a Grateful Heart

Turn on the television these days and you’ll find just about every kind of makeover show possible. We seem to be drawn to this makeover madness by our desire for something fresh and new in our complicated, and sometimes disorganized lives.

I’ve recently become aware of a makeover I can do every day. It doesn’t cost a dime. It doesn’t require an expert. And it takes very little time.

Rather than the external makeovers we see on television, this is an internal makeover that starts in my head and moves to my heart. It is initially unseen by the outside world, but if I stay focused on this “inside job” it will eventually become very apparent to those around me.

This might be called an “extreme heart makeover,” because it moves my heart from grumbling to gratefulness.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I’m pursing this makeover as it pertains to the work I do for my family everyday. I sometimes exhibit an ungrateful attitude in doing these tasks when I forget what blessings the tasks actually represent. This week I'm working on a shift in thinking. I'm considering a different perspective.

As I evaluate all my responsibilities, I’ve discovered I'm thankful for:

• Laundry…because it means that my family has clothes to wear.

• Dishes…because it means that my family has food to eat.

• Bills…because it means that we have financial provisions.

• Making Beds…because it means we have a warm, soft place to rest at night.

• Dusting…because it means we have furniture to enjoy.
  
  
• Vacuuming…because it means we have a home to care for.
  
  
• Picking Up Toys…because it means I have children to bring joy to my life.
  
  
• Homework…because it means my children can learn and progress through life.
  

Would you like to join me in this exercise? What part of your life seems to be the most overwhelming? What do you grumble about most often? What tasks, responsibilities, or challenges bring about frustration or anger? Once identified, ask yourself what blessing you haven’t been able to see. Now focus on the blessing and thank God for what it means in your life. Watch your perspective change from grumbling to gratefulness in no time flat. The “extreme heart makeover” is available to every person, every home, and every family every day.

I can’t think of a better way to capture the essence of Thanksgiving.

Giving Thanks

Last weekend our family gathered together to celebrate our son-in-law's 30th birthday. Matt (far-left) is also the daddy of our first grand-child due in late April (not that we're excited or anything like that!) We had a slumber party for all 9 of us at Matt and Anne's little apartment Saturday night and made many memories doing so!

Tomorrow I get the pleasure of hosting Thanksgiving for 21 of us. Most of our family lives in Indianapolis so usually we travel for the holidays, but this year they decided they'd rather travel than host. I'm fine with that and I've got my turkey thawing in the fridge!

I want you to know that I am thankful for you, my online friends, today. You encourage me, inspire me, and make my life richer. I only hope I am able to give to you a portion of what you give to me.

God has really been working in our family this year in many different ways. Some of those I've been able to share with you along the way and some I look forward to sharing with you in the coming months as God brings about more clarity. But even in the midst of hard and challenging times, there is much to be grateful for.

So how does your family celebrate Thanksgiving? Can you share a tradition or two? What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Anything special that you're grateful for this year? I'd love to hear your heart!

There's no place like home...

Last week, Mark and I had a wonderful week at the Blessing Ranch in Livermore, CO. It was great getting away from the everyday. But truly, there is no place like home.

As usual, while preparing for our trip, I struggled leaving my kids.

I always do.

This was the first time we've ever been gone that we didn't bring in a friend or family member to take care of our boys...that's because their older siblings are now able to handle the responsibilities. So newly married Erica whose hubby is away at Army basic training covered most of the week. Somewhat newly married Evan and his wife Julie covered a couple of evenings that Erica had night classes.

Here are a couple of phone conversations this week:

8pm Wednesday: Conversation with Evan
Me: How's it going? Did you get the boys to the 20 places they needed to be?
Evan: Yes, it's all good. But mom, I didn't even get to exercise today...I haven't had a minute to myself!
Me: Can you say birth control? :-)

9:15pm Thursday: Conversation with Austin--he called me (age 13)
Me: Hey Austin, what's up?
Austin: Erica sucks at tucking me in, Mom.
Me (smiling): She does? What does she do?
Austin: She barely touches me, she doesn't pull the covers up, and she doesn't tell me a story.
Me: Well I can't rub your back or pull the covers up tonight...
Austin: No, but you can tell me a story!
Me: (silently) He still needs me!

In addition to the multiple conversations we had with the kids, there were also precious conversations they had with each other...like the night Austin had basketball practice on the other side of town. Erica decided that she and Kolya would go to a coffee shop while they waited for Austin. They ended up having a great conversation about some things Kolya's been thinking about concerning his adoption. It was a definite God-conversation!

So all of that is to say that it's ok for you to occasionally take some time to get away with your spouse. And even though it's hard to walk out the door, there are some unique dynamics that can even happen in your absence. Not only was this a bonding time for Mark and I, but it proved to be for our kids, as well!

Do you have a getaway on the calendar for you and your spouse? Share your ideas so we can all benefit!

Friday's Quote of the Week

Your gentle caress is as necessary to your child's health as food & water, shelter & clothing, light & air. ~Jolene Philo

A week of refreshment

This week Mark and I are spending some time at the Blessing Ranch in Livermore, CO. It's a Christian Renewal and Resource Center for ministry couples.

I won't be be blogging this week because I'll be focusing on personal renewal and spending this time with my hubby. I welcome your prayers this week and Mark and I find refreshment after over 20 years of ministry and we focus on getting in tune with each other and with God.

Have a great week!

Friday's Quote of the Week

Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished. ~Oswald Chambers

There's light at the end of the tunnel!

So tonight my newly married daughter, Erica, accompanied me to a speaking engagement in Morris, IL. After it was over and we were packing up the book table she said, "You did a great job tonight, Mom. I think the last time I helped you (which was a couple of years earlier) I had headphones on while you were speaking. I guess I was a pretty self-centered teenager, wasn't I?"

I wanted to say, "Ya think?"

But I refrained.

I just responded with something like, "I knew you'd come out of it someday and I love the young woman you've become."

She said, "I'll probably see this on your blog, won't I?"

I told her, "Absolutely! We have to encourage those moms who have self-centered teenagers right now that there is light at the end of the tunnel!"

We both laughed and I silently thanked God for redeeming the hard season we walked through with this strong-willed child.

If you're in the middle of it...hang in there! It does get better!

Hearts at Home Conference Reflections

It was a great weekend at Hearts at Home, Rochester, MN. I spoke in the morning keynote session and Dr. Kevin Leman spoke in the afternoon. He's a nut and always wears the craziest socks.

If you were there this weekend, of if you attended one of the other Hearts conferences this year, what are one or two takeaways that you can share with other moms?

Friday's Quote of the Week

The way we do whatever we do today leaves a residue of remembrance in the lives of those who meet us. ~Randy Kilgore

Moms Getaway

Today (Wednesday) I'll be traveling to Rochester, MN, for the NorthCentral Regional Hearts at Home Conference. I LOVE spending the weekend with almost 2,000 moms! We all come together to get our mommy batteries recharged!

If you live within driving distance of Rochester, MN, you can still join us as a walk-in registrant! Just walk-in to the Mayo Center in downtown Rochester at 6:30pm Friday evening, or 8am Saturday morning! Find out more info at www.hearts-at-home.org!

Here are some pictures from past events:

A Different Dream for My Child Giveaway

Last week I posted about a new book for parents of chronically or critically ill children. I promised a giveaway of two books to two of my readers who posted a comment indicating they could use the book in some way. Because only three people posted comments, I'm going to give the book to all three of you!

So Jess, C.Moore, and Stephenie, please email me your mailing address so we can send out your book! Email me at jillannsavage (at) yahoo.com.

Congratulations!

Dinner Date with God

In recent weeks I've been devoting one post a week to the concept of having a "dinner date" with God. It's important that we have "snacks" and "meals" with God. Like any friendship, when you spend time together, you strengthen the relationship.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is that it's very important that we never get into any sense of obligation about spending time with God.

Why?

Because obligation smacks of religion. And God's not interested in religion.

He wants relationship.

So what's the difference?

Religion keeps you content right where you are.
Relationship wants more of God and desires life change every day.

Religion will have you accept things without questioning or searching for the truth.
Relationship will have you searching for the truth to guide your life and change your heart.

Religion will teach you about God.
Relationship will introduce you to God.

Religion happens on Sunday morning
Relationship happens every day of the week.

Religion is "do." You need to earn your salvation.
Relationship is "done." Jesus died for your salvation.

This is an important concept for us to understand because any type of spiritual discipline can become "religion" if we go about it with the wrong motive.

I don't want to spend time with God because I "should." I want to spend time with God because I want to. Because it keeps me grounded in truth. Because He keeps my heart in tune with His heart.

Have you ever noticed that when you hang with a friend, you become more like that friend? That's the only motive we need for having a "snack" or "meal" with God. I want to spend time with God because I want to be more like him.

We need to throw religion out the window and and embrace relationship with all we've got!

Family First

Today's been a big family day for me. My dad had back surgery today in Indianapolis. I was blessed to be able to be with my mom and dad Sunday night thru Monday evening. Surgery went well but he's got a bit of a recovery ahead of him.

I left Indy to drive back to Central Illinois and a full-blown, impromptu going away party happening at my house for my son-in-law, Kendall, who is leaving for Army basic training tomorrow.

Last week Kendall and Erica went on a church retreat with the Fuel college ministry. Kendall chose to be baptized at the retreat and he's so excited about his new life in Christ. His new friends showed up tonight to pray for him and Erica as Kendall heads to the Army.

As a mom (and a mother-in-law) I have always prayed that my kids would have other "influencers in Christ" in their life. Tonight I saw that in action as 12 young adults joined Mark and I and our boys to circle around Erica and Kendall and pray for them.

Wow....it just doesn't get better than that.

Go God!

I looked out my kitchen and saw the most beautiful sunset over the cornfield to the west of our house.

Isn't it beautiful?

I just had to share!

Friday's Quote of the Week

We are most Christ-like when we forgive. ~Mary Ann Froehlich

A Different Dream for My Child

As a parent of older children, I've learned that my older children may not share the dream I personally have for their life. Coming to grips with the reality of that is an essential part of letting go and launching them into adulthood.

But what if the "different dream" becomes evident at birth or early in childhood? What if my mothering experience looks different than I imagined it would look? Parents of critically ill or chronically ill children now have a resource available to let them know they are not alone. Jolene Philo's book, A Different Dream for My Child, is just that resource.

For years, Jolene Philo’s son was hospitalized many times as he battled a life-threatening birth defect. Far from home, without friends and family to support them, Jolene and her husband felt utterly and completely alone. Today, support networks for parents of critically or chronically ill children have improved, but most only provide for urgent physical needs. The devotional meditations in this book address the spiritual needs of these parents as the author shares her own life lessons, as well as those of other parents who have walked this road. "No matter how difficult the road," Philo writes, "you do not have to lose hope."

Are you walking this road with one or more of your children? Do you know a friend who needs to know about this book?

Jolene's publisher has agreed to give away two copies of this wonderful resource to two moms who desperately need it. If you'd like to be considered for one of these copies, leave a comment on this post by Monday, Nov 2. I'll draw two names at random from those who post a comment by midnight on Monday, Nov 2.

If you know of a mom who needs to know about this resource, please send this her way!

"Plugged In" is a great resource for parents

When our kids started wanting to go to movies with their friends, Mark and I discovered Focus on the Family's "Plugged In" Resource. We subscribed to the monthly magazine and tapped into their online movie and video reviews.

In fact, our kids soon learned that they needed to check the "Plugged In" online movie reviews before asking us if they could go to a certain movie.

I still receive the free Plugged In e-Newsletter and this week they posted a review on Britney Spears new album. If your kids are Britney Spears fans, you need this info:

Britney Spears

"3"

Britney Spears’ latest eyebrow-raising dalliance with naughtiness is as simple as it is shameless. Come on over, she tells one guy … and then another … for a threesome.

"One, two, three/Not only you and me/Got 180 degrees/And I’m caught in between." The implied obscenity of that chorus pretty much sums up the wayward ex-Mouseketeer’s newest No. 1 single, a dancey, robo-pop effort penned by Swedish über-producer Max Martin (the aural architect behind Britney’s breakthrough hit, "… Baby One More Time" way back in the last millennium).

Elsewhere on the track we hear sensual moaning and are subjected to Britney’s blithe rationalizations regarding her sexual mores—or utter lack thereof. "Three is a charm/I don’t see the harm," she coos at one point. Later, she claims, "What we do is innocent/Just for fun and nothin’ meant." Near the song’s conclusion, she suggests maybe adding a fourth person to the mix might spice things up even further.

If the song itself wasn’t bad enough—and it is—the video involving Britney and two male dancers amps things up even more in terms of racy imagery. E! Online said of the song and video, "Spears knows that a successful Britney is a raunchy Britney." And judging by the fact that "3" (the sole new track on the siren’s second greatest hits package, The Singles) went straight to the top of the charts, that sad assessment seems to be right on the money.

If there’s anything incongruous at all about "3," it’s the fact that the word sin dares to lurk within it. "Are you in?" Britney asks a would-be ménage à trois participant. Then she shrugs, "Livin’ in sin is the new thing."

We need to educate ourselves as parents. We need to know the content of the music our kids are drawn to listen to. We need to have informed conversations with our kids, helping them understand the importance of discerning what is ok to feed your mind and what is not ok.

If you're not familiar with Plugged In--you can explore their website here. In addition to movies, they review video games, television shows, videos, and music.

It's a resource every parent needs to know about!

Open Heart, Open Home

Two years ago we had the opportunity to share our home with a young man from Poland. Daniel stayed with us for about a month and simply became a member of the family.

This past week he came again for five days. We loved the time spent with him. We continue to help him with his English and he blesses us with his cooking and his conversation.

He is my Polish son and he says that I am his American mother.

In my book, My Hearts at Home, I talk about the value of home being a cultural center. In an effort to help our kids understand the world around them, we have to bring the world to them in whatever ways we can.

Hosting Daniel, and then last year his brother Irek, did that for my kids.

Exploring our son, Kolya's, Russian heritage is another way we do that.

And sponsoring a Compassion child is yet a third way Mark and I intentionally make our home a cultural center.

What about you? How do you make your home a cultural center?

I take the time when I get it!

Last week I spent three days helping Matt and Anne get their house ready for the baby due in April. They live three hours away (4 hours if Chicago traffic is bad!) so I don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like.

As a mom of three married kids and two teenagers, I've really seen the reality of your kids growing up faster than you think they will. But I love it when they end up at the house at 10pm at night and say, "Mom, you got anything to eat around here?" Last night I had the privilege of making dinner for four of them at 10pm.

Hey...I take the time when I can get it!

Friday's Quote of the Week

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. ~Abraham Lincoln

The "why" behind our cell phone decision

Yesterday, a blog friend asked why my husband and I feel cell phones are "bad" for our kids. I'd like to share with you the "why" behind our decision.

First, we don't think cell phones are necessarily bad for kids. We just don't think they need them before they are driving. When they begin driving---usually at 16---we get them a cell phone. They will need it for safety purposes, at that point.

Second, it's an "access" issue. When kids have a cell phone, it suddenly takes the parent out of the middle and gives kids direct access to one another. Because my 13-year-old doesn't have a phone, I know who he's talking to on the phone, because they have to call the house phone. If he occasionally wants to text someone, he uses my phone. A personal cell phone gives kids an independance in communication that they are not always mature enough to handle. And it gives other kids access to them in a way that I'm not willing to risk.

Third, we can't afford it. Adding another line to the family plan requires us to add more minutes. Those kinds of expenses add up and we'd rather feed our children than provide them a cell phone just because everyone else has one.

I will admit, there are times that our decision is inconvenient. Yes, there are occasions that I wish I could call my student...like when I'm running behind to pick them up from somewhere. I also know of families who do the cell phone thing because they no longer have a home phone. But even then, some families choose to do a cell phone that simply stays at home rather than one that each kid carries around.

And honestly, our "age 16/driving" boundary has become harder with each of our children. Why? Because culture is changing. When we set the "age 16/driving" boundary with our older kids almost 10 years ago, every kid on the block didn't have a cell phone. Now my 13-year-old and 15-year-old are indeed a rarity.

But Mark and I refuse to stoop to adult peer pressure. In fact, that's why we wrote the next Hearts at Home book, Living With Less So Your Family Has More. (It will release in February 2010.)

We alone will decide what's best for our kids. And for the Savage's, we've decided that having a phone before we have determined you actually "need" one is one parenting boundary we currently have in place.

PS. For my reader who shared the post with her 15-year-old son who wanted to know what an "early" bedtime was for my boys. It's 8:30-8:45pm. Your 9:15pm bedtime should look really good for your son now!

Life is So Unfair!

So my 13-year-old son wants the world to know that he is the ONLY kid in 8^th grade who doesn’t have a cell phone. I told him I was happy to tell the world for him. After all, I think it’s only fair for people to know how unfair Mark and I are to our children.

And honestly, it’s far worse than cell phones. For instance:

• We don’t let them stay on the computer for endless hours. We set the timer to indicate when it’s time to get off.
• We actually have certain days of the week that we don’t even allow screens—no TV screens, no computer screens, no video screens.
• We don’t allow them to see just any movie with a PG or PG 13 rating. We actually check out the content and then decide. It’s so very unfair.
• We require them to go to bed early on school nights.
• They have to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, run the vacuum, and care for their animals. Can you believe it?
• On the weekends they have to help mow the grass which is no small task on our 2.5 acre yard.
• They also have to help feed and care for the animals we own. The nerve.

Life is so very unfair.

So, of course, because we’re so unfair we occasionally allow them to do some fun things to make up for it all. Like last month, for example, when we allowed the 13-year-old to have a slumber party for his birthday. Of course they played flashlight tag outside in that great big yard he helped mow, slept on that floor he helped vacuum, and dirtied enough dishes to fill the dishwasher he helps empty a few times each week. I then baked cookies at midnight and served them right along with cake and ice cream. Wow, that made up for all that unfairness…at least for that week!

As for the 15-year-old, when he asked on the same evening at 8:30pm, “Mom, can I go to a late movie with a friend?” my response was “You know, that sounds like a fun thing to do on a Friday night. Sure, see if you can find someone to go with you.” Once plans were made, I ferried the two boys to the movie theatre at 9:45pm and picked them up at midnight. It's not like I'd be sleeping, and it was a great opportunity to make up for all that unfairness around the Savage home.

If life is unfair around your home, don’t worry. You may make different unfair decisions for your children based upon your own values, but you are not alone.

And by the way, if you work for a landline phone company, please leave a few pay phones out there. After all, my teenagers don’t have cell phones…and they just might need to call their unfair home!

Snacks and Meals with God

I've been sharing over the past few weeks about the concept of having snacks and meals with God. A snack is a short time for reading the Bible, journaling, or talking with God. A meal is an extended time of doing the same thing.

We've been primarily focused on the concept of having some extended time with God. But today I want to share with you about the value of "snacks" with God.

Every mom needs snacks with God everyday. Snacks are little nuggets of truth from the Bible and little conversations with God.

When my kids were little I used to place a little Bible in each bathroom. Even if I had just a minute alone and even if there were little fingers under the door, I could read just one scripture verse in the Bible that would keep me going until the next bathroom break! That's the beauty of a snack with God. Sometimes snacks were scripture verses I wrote on an index card and posted on my bathroom mirror, my refrigerator door, or on the front of my microwave!

A prayer snack was walking outdoors to a beautiful sunny day and say, "God, this day is beautiful. Thank you for your creation!" Or it was praying while I did laundry. Or while I was preparing dinner.

Snacks are simply practicing the presence of God.

Want to join me in pursuing snacks with God? I'd love to hear about it! Have you had a meal with God yet? How did it go?

If you need to jump start in practicing the presence of God, you might want to pick up a copy of Real Moms...Real Jesus. It's a great resource to help you understand that Jesus is a Friend who understands.

And every mom needs a friend who understands.