Are You Settling for a Truce?

ThinkstockPhotos-78778693Mark says: Jill and I heard a story the other day that ended with this line, “They could have known love but they settled for a truce.”

Jill says: The moment we heard it, we both looked at each other and said, “Wow, that is a sad statement.” It launched a conversation for us about how too many of us tend to “settle” in our marriage.

Mark says: Settling happens when we rationalize why we can’t take time for us as a couple. Love says, “Our marriage is too important to put it on the backburner.”

Jill says: Settling happens when we say, “We can’t afford marriage counseling.” Love says, “We can’t afford not to go to marriage counseling. There’s too much at stake.”

Mark says: Settling happens when we tell ourselves, “We’ll just stay together until the kids leave home.” Love says, “There is no Plan B. We have to figure this out.”

Jill says: Settling happens when we stuff our feelings and don’t share them with our spouse. Love says, “When you said ___________, it hurt my heart. Could you please be more careful with your words?”

Mark says: Settling with our spouse happens when we are careless with our words and attitudes. Love happens when we are patient, kind, and gentle with our spouse even if we deal with the same challenges over and over.

Jill says: Settling happens when we’re okay with “good enough.” Love says, “There’s always more to learn about myself and marriage.”

Mark says: Settling happens when we’re unwilling to leave our kids to spend time with our spouse. Love says, “I’ll push my fears aside and go on that business trip with you.”

Jill says: Settling happens when we say, “I’m not trying any harder than he/she is.” Love says, “I will be the person God calls me to be no matter how much my spouse does or doesn’t do.”

Are you settling? Have you traded intimacy for a truce? Is it time for you to advocate for your marriage? Time to get some help?

It’s hard when one person “settles for a truce” and the other spouse longs for love.  That’s when we need to have a heart to heart conversation with our spouse outside of frustration. (And that’s what we’ll be talking about on our next Marriage Monday!)

What about you? Have you settled for truce when you could have love?  

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4 Responses to Are You Settling for a Truce?

  1. Jill Hart says:

    I am moved. A truce is not good when you long to be loved. Especially when you are the one longing, needing, lonely is the presence of the one you love.

    • JillSavage says:

      Yes, Jill, agreed. This is where God refines us like never before.

      • Jill Hart says:

        Understood. It’s been 23 years, A LOT of prayer,, counseling many times, medical help, MANY marriage conferences, and much more. With 3 girls, 2 granddaughters and now a disabled grandson on the way I don’t think a truce is going to be able to stay in place much longer.

  2. Diane Wagner says:

    We defenitely have settled for truce. I recogniced to cling to my God. I cannot try to get my desires full-filled by my husband.
    He never has learned to share thoughts or feelings. All he can utter is commands what I have to do. So I keep my heart safe with Christ and I am doing the best to make home to a safe place for my daughters to grow.
    But there are times when we play cards just the two of us.
    I really enjoy those times. So I tell my self to focuse on the sunny side of marriage. This helps me to keep my head above water.
    And gratefulness for all he is doing to serve his family.
    My B. get to know Christ and his unconditional love for him. Amen

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