A year ago when I going through a dark time in my marriage, I found the website www.RefineUs.org. I was immediately drawn to the honesty of Justin and Trisha Davis. I interacted with them on email and found out that they were graduates of Lincoln Christian University which is where Mark graduated from.
I also found out they were writing a book and I had the opportunity to be a pre-reader of the book. Just as I hoped to find, the honesty on their blog carried forward into their book that just released the first week of January.
I’m interviewing Trisha today. Trisha is a wife and mother who shares her heart openly after the healing of her broken marriage.
Honestly I fought the idea of writing a book. There is a sea of marriage books out there so why add another? Why, or how for that matterm would God use our story anyway? These are the questions I wrestled with for almost a year.
I remember speaking at our dear friends Danny and Kristi Schaffner’s church in the heart of inner city Tampa, Florida. That particular weekend they received news of a horrific murder of a loved one from their congregation. Those that attended church on Sunday came with heavy hearts. Questions I had been wrestling with started to torment me. “How on earth can our story help them when they’re already so knocked down?” But to my surprise not only did they listen to our story they found HOPE in it. They found hope in a Savior that carries us in our brokenness.
On the long ride home to Nashville, I couldn’t stop thinking about that sweet congregation and how God had used our messed-up story to bring hope to hurting hearts. Then it hit me. The story of the three servants found in Mathew 25:14-30. Three people were given a gift of money and the freedom to do whatever they choose with it. One hid it while the other two did something with their money, allowing it to multiply. God gave me the gift of HIS redemption story; the question was would I be willing to do something with it? Beyond Ordinary is my response to that call.
Your marriage experienced the betrayal of infidelity. You have now not only repaired the damage, but are now encouraging other marriages. What was one strategy that was an essential part of your healing process?
This word, that is often tossed around in Christian circles or in Sunday morning messages, became the foundation to my healing.
1. past participle of break. Adjective
2. reduced to fragments; fragmented.
3. ruptured; torn; fractured.
4. not functioning properly; out of working order.
I’ve always known Jesus longs for all of us to be broken but for me it took the affair to become completely broken. I was at a crossroads. Would I allow God to transform me in the midst of my pain? Would I completely surrender my rights and give him my heart to strip me of the resentment and bitterness I desperately wanted to hold on to? Would I be willing to give-up everything after already giving up so much?
The beauty of brokenness is its ability to help you give grace and offer forgiveness to those who have wounded you. Brokenness leads you on to the painful yet redemptive path to healing, which is not a one-time event, but rather a life-long process. Living beyond ordinary is continually allowing God to strip you of the things you hold on to in order to reattach your hope to him.
Besides the book, you offer a marriage-mentoring program on your blog. Can you tell us about that program and what it involves?
As Justin and I started to think through possibly writing a book, we also started to dream about other ways we could come alongside couples to help renew hope and restore relationships. Besides professional counseling, one of the best gifts we were given during our restoration process was time with couples that knew our pain. We wanted to offer the same experience for marriages that where hurting or simply in need of some encouragement.
Our MentorUs program was created to help couples move from the marriage they have to the marriage they desire. Each week we provide an email unpacking a RefineUs principle while giving a personal and marital assignment for each couple to complete. They are given access to downloads and audio and video teaching as well. Once per month, couples will receive a video with real, raw and practical advice on how to have the marriage they deeply desire.
The goal for our CoachUs program isn’t to give couples all the answers or fix them or their marriage. We aren’t counselors or therapists. Our goal is to come alongside couples and help them take the next step in their journey with Christ. What we have found is that most people don’t need textbook answers, they need a partner in the journey. Our marriage coaches desire to walk with couples as they seek to refine their marriage.
Jill’s note: The Davis’s also have an excellent ebook available for FREE titled 8 Things That Destroyed Our Marriage.
What about you? Have you watched God work in your marriage or another marriage you have known?