Do You Remember?

Happy WifeToday’s Marriage Monday is a guest post from Hearts at Home 2015 conference speaker Arlene Pellicane. Arlene is giving away one copy of her book 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. If you want to enter, leave a comment on what you remember when you were falling in love with your spouse.

PS…Congrats to Brandi Russell-Eastwood who won Dr. Meg Meeker’s online parenting course, The 12 Principles of Raising Great Kids in last week’s giveaway!


ArleneDo you remember when you were falling in love with your spouse?

Or when you held your child for the first time?

For me, you might say my husband James had me at “jello.”  I was a grad student in Virginia Beach at a nursing home ministry one evening.  As I heard a certain young man share with the half-asleep residents in the recreation room, I was wide awake.  Who was this compassionate, funny, God honoring gentleman?  I honestly thought to myself, “I want to marry that man!”

Well, that lightning bolt moment happened almost 20 years ago.  I did get to marry that man from the nursing home!  Recently my husband James and I watched some old videos from our courtship in 1998.  I blushed instantly and it didn’t take long for us to burst out laughing.  Who were those giddy people, plastered together, looking at one another with such eyes of love and longing?  We’re talking rainbows, sugar plum fairies, dancing flowers, the whole thing.

James said with a smile, “I was like Hercules then.  You believed I could do anything.”

Oh, the sweetness of remembering.  As I watched that younger version of myself, it rekindled something in me.

I still want my husband to believe he’s Hercules to me. 

I still want to make him feel like he can do anything. 

When we take a moment to remember where we’ve come from as husband and wife – and how miraculous it all was to meet in the first place – it can make a profound difference in the here and now.

Instead of grumbling about what your husband isn’t and what he hasn’t done lately, you can be filled with gratitude simply because he’s here.

Instead of a milk toast welcome home, you can wrap your arms around him, kiss him deeply and say, “I’m really glad to see you.”

Instead of being nice mannered roommates, you can be warm and affectionate lovers.

I think one key to having a happy marriage is to regularly “remember when….”  Remembering how you fell in love rekindles warm memories.  It helps you to appreciate one another and keeps you from taking the other for granted.


Need some help remembering?  Join Arlene and her husband James on a Cruise to a Happy Marriage, sailing May 15-22 on the Royal Caribbean.  It’s an investment in your marriage (plus a lot of fun in the sun!).


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14 thoughts on “Do You Remember?

  1. Remembering is important. We were set up to go on a blind date by my friends when I was in high school. The week before, a bag boy stopped a long row of carts for me to be able to pass to get to a soda machine at the local grocery store. I remember thinking that I wished they would find someone considerate and courteous like that for me. Turns it out, it was him! We’re coming up on 15 years of marriage.

  2. Great reminder that we need to continue to love as we did when we first met our spouse. Sometimes we allow things in life to get in our way and we stumble with our relationships.

  3. I remember feeling “at home” in his heart, and he still has the card I wrote those words in. Oh, how I need to reminisce like this more often…

  4. I was awestruck the minute I saw him in Miami airport. After our first date, I called my mom to say I met the man I want to marry. He was kind, considerate, compassionate, and oh so handsome. I am so blessed that he is still all those things today after being married almost 23 years!! To make it even better, we both gave our lives to Jesus about 10 years ago.

  5. One thing that made me fall in love with my husband is still one of my favorite things about him today! He is outgoing and is so good at talking with people and making them feel included. He also has an incredibly giving heart and has a talent for seeing needs and then making things happen so that they are met. Celebrating our 10 anniversary this fall! Love my man! Thanks for the reminder to reminisce!

  6. I wish my husband would “remember” a little more. Lately he has become very critical of me – but doesn’t always realize what he is doing. Recently he criticized me in front of some friends, who all looked at me and asked, “what was up with that?” I was embarrassed. I no longer know how to respond to him. If I am quiet, he is frustrated with me; if I speak up, I am corrected or told “you don’t really believe/feel that”. I know I am supposed to extend grace and forgiveness, but I am tired and weary of doing so. I would love to read your book. Maybe there is a grain of hope in there for me.

  7. I remember on our first real date when he told me that maybe he’d come visit me when I was doing one of my internships in Indonesia. I remember thinking “Yeah, right!” But he did! He flew halfway across the world – literally – to spend a week experiencing life in Indonesia and to fly me back home. I love the uniqueness (craziness?) of our story.

  8. I remember a summer when we lived 5 hours apart when we were dating and it was “no big deal” to drive that 5 hours to visit on Friday night and again on Sunday night to return. That was a lot of mileage!

  9. I remember when he drove in a snow storm to take me to a restaurant on my birthday. We were the only ones who had ventured out to the restaurant & we had the perfect window seat.