Last week I heard those four words and my heart stopped.
After an abnormal routine mammogram, followed by an abnormal sonogram, my doctor ordered a biopsy. I had the biopsy the Monday after the North Central Hearts at Home conference and less than 48 hours later, I received the phone call that delivered those four words.
I was actually driving to the Hearts at Home office the morning the doctor’s office called. When the nurse said, “Jill, are you home or at work?” I knew what she was going to tell me. When I told her I was in the car alone, I asked her to please tell me what she needed to tell me and she uttered the words no woman wants to hear.
I turned the car around and headed back toward home with my head and heart spinning. What does one do when she is told she has breast cancer? Well I can tell you what I did: I cried.
One of my dearest friends is a Nurse Practitioner turned stay-at-home mom. She lives near my house and honestly my car just drove there; at this point I wasn’t thinking. When Crystal greeted me at the door, my tears spoke a million words. From there I called Mark and he left work and came straight home.
The remainder of my day and week was filled with appointments and learning as much as possible about my kind of breast cancer. Emotions slowly were now being replaced with knowledge and facts and Mark and I are now focused on the reality of a new normal.
Oh the emotions are still there. They tend to come in waves at the most unexpected times…but that’s okay. When life is hard we have to allow ourselves to grieve.
At this point it looks like I’m a good candidate for a lumpectomy and radiation. We will know more in the weeks to come.
Telling my family was very hard. Each one handled the news differently. For my two sisters and my two daughters, the news took on a more personal impact. My mom, my maternal aunt, and my maternal grandmother have all had breast cancer so my sisters and my daughters and I have always known that the genetics were not in our favor. My diagnosis has made that even more real.
I have an incredible team here at Hearts at Home that will take care of me and continue to take care of you. I’m planning on being at both of our 2014 Hearts at Home conferences, too. I will continue to blog, sharing honestly as you know I do.
Thank you in advance for praying for my family and I as we walk this journey–one that many other women have walked before me.
Here’s what I know for sure: My circumstances have changed, but my God hasn’t changed.
My hope is in Him.
My trust is in Him.
It is not well with my circumstances, but I can assure you, it is well with my soul.