Someone once said, “Expectations are preconceived resentments.” We think, in marriage, that there’s a lot of truth to that statement. That’s why we think it’s important for couples to ditch the expectations and that’s what today’s Marriage Monday is all about!
Mark says…
Too often expectations take the place of communication in marriage. We wish…we hope…we expect our spouse to do things or be things that we never communicate.
Jill says…
Most expectations are unstated. They build up inside of us and without realizing it we become resentful of our spouse for not doing the things we think they should be doing.
Mark says…
Sure, sometimes we think we’re communicating. We stomp around. We cross our arms. We sigh deeply. We speak with a harsh tone. Non-verbal communication does not count as healthy communication.
Jill says…
When expectations creep into our thoughts, we need to learn to channel those thoughts into words: kind, considerate words that communicate our needs, hopes, and dreams to one another.
Mark says…
There’s nothing wrong with communicating our wants and desires to one another. Communication makes our marriage stronger. Unspoken expectations damage a marriage. Spoken desires and needs strengthen a relationship.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about expectations:
1) Is this a reasonable request or am I imposing my ways of doing things on my spouse?
2) Can I let this expectation go and simply allow my spouse to be different?
3) How can I communicate my hopes and desires to my spouse in a respectful way?
This so hits home with me today! All weekend long it seems like every weekend I do this to my husband and we spend his only days off not talking to each other. I started thinking this weekend why is he not taking me out or why has he not done this or that and I got so mad I didn’t want to talk to him. I just wanted to be mad. Why do we do this? I’m going to learn to communicate with him better. How can he know what I need if I don’t ask (and in a kind way). Thank you for your great books and articles!
This is so true. Its something I struggle with a lot.
I think we all do, Wani.
I agree, communication is key! And early on in our pregnancy my husband and I agreed to disagree sometimes, not everything is worth an arguement. We are different…one is not better than the other, just different. Great post. I think I’ll share it on facebook. 🙂
Thanks Rachel!
Very true. I try to spell everything out to my husband now. I even tell him when I am hoping for a surprise birthday party 🙂