Marriage Monday: Moving From Me To We

485732933Jill says:
Last September, Mark and I started taking an exercise class together. It’s a first for us as we’ve always done any exercise routine we had independent of one another.

Mark says:
Last August, our youngest headed off to college and we suddenly realized that we had a newfound freedom to explore.  We decided to sign up for a 10 week “Extreme Bodyshaping” class together.

Jill says:
Doing this class together has caused us to ask, “What else are we doing apart that we could be doing together?” It’s a good question for any couple to ask, no matter their season of life.

Last weekend, I had the privilege of hearing John Rosemond speak. He shared about the tragedy in our culture of our lives revolving around our children which is not only creating a self-centered generation but it is also destroying marriages. He said that he often surveys his audiences when he speaks about how much time they spend nurturing their kids and how much time they spend nurturing their marriage. Most often it is in the vicinity of 95% kids and 5% marriage. No wonder so many families are falling apart. We are child-centered when our children desperately need us to be marriage-centered.  You see, when mom and dad’s relationship is strong, it gives a sense of security to the kids.

Marriage-MondayMark says:
Of course, it’s important that we have our own hobbies, interests, and even friendships. It wouldn’t be healthy to do EVERYTHING together. However, there are things we do apart that we don’t need to be.  Consider some of these things:

      • Reading aloud together
      • Reading separately, but snuggled next to each other
      • Going to bed at the same time
      • Running errands
      • Exercise
      • Grocery shopping
      • Cooking dinner

Jill says:
If your kids are little, it may be harder to run errands, exercise, or grocery shop together, but going to bed at the same time, cooking dinner, or reading together could be possibilities.

Mark says:
Marriage require investment. It needs intentionality. Evaluating what you are doing apart that you could be doing together is an important step in moving from me to we.

What about you? What are you doing apart that you could be doing together? What is one change you could make to move from me to we? 


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3 thoughts on “Marriage Monday: Moving From Me To We

  1. I’m curious as to what your suggestions are for a couple who both work from home? I’ve worked from home all of our married lives (25 years this year) and my husband lost his job about 4 years ago. He now has an online business and we suddenly find ourselves together all day, nearly every day, unless one of us is running errands. Granted, we’re in different rooms of the house, but it’s like we are together so much it loses its specialness. Even nights out for dinner aren’t as much fun since there’s nothing new to discuss. Before, when he was away all day, it was nice to go out without the kids (who are now young adults in our home) and just catch up. Now, there’s not much to “catch up” on and we often find ourselves being one of “those couples” who just sit and eat and don’t have much to talk about. I’m starting to understand what retired couples face a bit better, but we’re not there yet, so we can’t afford to take off and travel for extended periods of time. I’ve not found any marriage resources that are geared for couples who both work from home. We’ve enjoyed the flexibility it’s granted us (we just took a 2-night getaway this week to leave our work behind) but having our work always with us at home also makes it hard to stay connected, especially when you’re tempted to work evenings and weekends! It’s just hard to have that “lovin’ feelin'” when you’re together “too much”!

    • Rhoda, you bring up an interesting challenge! I’m sure you’re not alone. More than anything, you will have to be intentional about moving beyond your “togetherness” to deepening your intimacy. Have you considered doing a devotional together? Did you read the No More Perfect Marriages blog together and talk about each one? I also suggest this free pdf that has 365 questions to ask your spouse:

      • I love the list of questions! Some time back we had a book from Family Life that we would take on date nights with questions like these to discuss. I think these would be great date night questions, or just everyday conversation to keep it fresh. We’ve tried devotionals in the distant past, but somehow it hasn’t ever really taken off. Maybe we can give that a try again. We do pray together each morning at breakfast, over our day, our kids, and other requests, so we have that level of openness for which I’m thankful. I’ve not read the No More Perfect Marriages blog, but maybe we can still do that! Thanks for your reply and encouragement!