We once heard the statement that the couple that prays together, stays together. Indeed, that can make a difference in a couple’s level of emotional and spiritual intimacy. Today’s Marriage Monday is about the value of praying together.
Mark says…
I didn’t become a Christian until I was 21 years old. The concept of praying with someone else was a pretty foreign concept to me.
Jill says…
I did grow up in the church and was familiar with praying at church, but praying with someone one on one was a completely new experience for me.
Mark says…
When Jill and I started praying together, we found that it was much easier to do so in bed at night in the dark. One of us would reach over to hold hands and say, “Wanna pray?” I’ll admit it was quite awkward in the beginning because it was new for both of us. But one of the things we’ve learned is that you have to push through awkward to create a new normal. And we wanted praying together to eventually be normal for us.
Jill says…
Over time, praying in any setting began to feel normal. Sometimes we pray together for wisdom to know how to handle a parenting situation, sometimes we pray for direction for finances. At night we often pray for each of our kids, our daughter-in-law, two son-in-laws, and now our granddaughter.
Mark says…
If praying together is an overwhelming thought to you, but you’re willing to try something new that will head you in that direction, start this: Every time you are near each other and prayer is a part of what you are doing, grab hands with your spouse to pray silently together. This can work while sitting in church, when praying at the dinner table, or if you’re part of a small group in your church. Just reach over and grab hands anytime someone says, “Let’s pray.”
Jill says…
It’s a great way to start something new that can eventually lead to a new normal. And when you are able to pray together, it knits your hearts together in a new way.
What about you? How has prayer been a part of your marriage? Do you have any suggestions that could help other couples learn to pray together?
Hi Jill,
Around 25 years ago, before I had my first child and while I was still working in Chicago, I met a Christian single engaged friend for lunch. I will never forget our conversation or her challenge. She was so much looking forward to getting married and talked about how much power their would be in their prayer lives when she and her new husband would join together in prayer. Then she looked at me and said, "so is that how it is when you and your husband pray together?" (My husband and I had been married 4 years up to that point.) You can imagine my chagrin when I had to tell her that we didn't pray together. She then challenged me to make it a priority in our marriage. I can say that since that day, almost every night my husband and I pray together as a result of that conversation. We have now been married 30 years. The most difficult time to pray together is when we're fighting. Somehow God uses that prayer time to bring us together in humility and forgiveness.
I love this topic Jill. It's such an important one.
My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and we started early in our marriage praying together at night before bed (as a matter of fact, the week before we married, my husband would tuck me into bed at our home and pray with me before he went back to his parent's house). We also pray together at meal-times. These are specific habitual times of prayer for us together. I think it's important to have "set" times to pray together because like MJB said…when you're angry with one another, it's super-hard to pray together…but because we have these "set" times to pray…we know we are hurting our Lord if we refuse to share in those times of prayer! Boy, does it clean up your heart in a hurry when you've got to prepare yourself to pray…and we ALWAYS hold hands. This forces the connection that our sinful nature would like to pull apart…and it brings us back to a spirit of unity.
Getting in these "prayer habits" builds that comfort level necessary for spontaneous prayer together which we've felt a need for many times throughout our marriage. Some of the most endearing spontaneous prayers to me have been when my husband grabbed my hand in humility after an argument and prayed for God to help him be a better husband. WOA! Thank you Lord!! I also usually ask my husband to go ahead with leading the prayers (I do pray if he asks me to). I tend to be the talkative/aggressive one in our marriage; so it's easy for my hubby to let me take over the role of spiritual leadership…but we both know this is wrong. Leading our prayers has been a simple leadership builder for my husband and it has blessed me to dwell safely under his strong and humble leadership and watch him grow in the Lord and help me grow.
Now with our first little one on the way, we're hoping to set a positive example for the need for prayer in every aspect of life, so our little one will know where to go all the time!
Prayer is so important for so many reasons and in so many different parts of our lives…marriage being one of the most important. I'd go so far as to say it's as important as making love to your partner. It's as much a factor in creating unity as is the physical act of being united. Prayer connects us with our spouse and our God together…and "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
I totally agree, but it's a hard habit to establish. My husband and I work at this for a while and then let other things distract us from sticking with it. It's so easy to feel satisfied with your own independent prayer time and never cultivate the marriage prayer time. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!