I’m an internal processor. That means I think about a lot of things that I never talk about. It’s how I’m wired and works well for me when I’m operating as an individual. However, it proves to be a challenge in my marriage.
I will often notice something that my husband does and I’ll think,”Wow, that’s nice. Mark folded that load of laundry in the dryer.” However, I’ll completely miss expressing appreciation to him. I think it and forget to say it.
Sometimes he’s not around when I notice something. Sometimes, I’m focused on something else and don’t stop and make the effort. Regardless of my rationale for missing the opportunity to affirm, it happens and I’m not okay with it.
But I’m changing that.
I’m learning to let the affirming and appreciative thoughts in my head leak out of my mouth. I’m picking up my cell phone and texting a quick thank you when I think about something I appreciate about him or discover a task he’s done.
Too often positive words in marriage are thought, but not expressed. Honestly, positive words aren’t even thought about often enough in most marriages.
What does your spouse do everyday that you haven’t thanked him or her for? What extra effort has he or she made that you need to thank him or her for? What affirming words have you thought, but not expressed.
Do. It. Now. Your spouse needs to hear your positive words.
I am an internal processor, also. It is very natural for me to weigh the pro’s/con’s of many decisions in my head to come to a decision that I should have included my husband in.
Yep, me too, Jodi!
Yes, I am an internal processor too. Funny, I was just thinking of this today, before reading your post. More than once today my husband came over and touched me gently. I realized afterwards that I didn’t reciprocate. In fact, I barely acted as if I noticed at all. Later I thought, “Why did I do that?!” Each time I was in the midst of something else. But that’s no excuse. Thanks for another reminder to show appreciation and affection to the love of my life. Thanks for the marriage encouragement!!
Rachel, I’m so glad that you caught yourself today. Awareness is the first step of change!
Jill,
I’m an internal processor,too. He loves to hear my appreciation-in fact I believe all men are wired to need words of affirmation from their wives. I find I’m really good at encouraging my kids, but forget about Tom. Not good.
Thanks so much for the reminder to leak what’s in my head out of my mouth! 🙂
~Lori