Marriage Monday: The Three Question Technique

Years ago Mark and I were introduced to the concept of the Three Question Technique.  This communication concept helped us deepen our conversations and get out of the rut of short answers that kept conversation at surface levels.

Mark says…
When Jill and I were first introduced to the concept of the three questions, we began to see that our communication styles weren’t exactly doing us any favors.

Here’s what the three question technique looks like:  When you ask your spouse a question and he/she gives you an answer, ask them two more questions before changing the subject.

Here’s an example of how we used to do communication:


Jill: Hi honey, how was your day?
Mark: You know, I had a great day.
Jill: Gee, I’m glad you had a great day.  I had a terrible day.

Jill says…

When I would ask Mark one question, he would answer.  But like in the example above, I would respond back by changing the conversation from him to me.  I really cut off the conversation and didn’t even realize I was doing it.

Here’s what the three question technique does:

Jill: Hi honey, how was your day?
Mark: You know, I had a great day.

Jill: Really? What made it so great?
Mark: Well, I met with Al today and it was great to talk with him.


Jill: Wow, tell me about your conversation.
Mark: Well, you know that we had a difference in opinion last fall.  Today we were able to talk thru that and I feel like we made some great progress.  Maybe the relationship can really be restored.

Do you see the difference a few more questions makes?  It takes communication to a much deeper level.
That’s the power of the Three Question Technique.

Give it a try and see if it makes a difference in your conversations!

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